Giving Resolution 2(b): Donate Sperm – REJECTED!

 

I’m starting to get a complex. It seems no one, not even those begging for donors, want anything I have to offer. The Blood Bank turned me away because I’d been to Haiti on vacation and now the Sperm Bank rejects me because I’m too old. WTF?!? Tony Randall has a kid at 78, but my sperm is inferior because I’m over 38?

They say the problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard, but they’re wrong. As infertility becomes more common and gay marriage finally becomes a norm, the sperm banks are quickly becoming the gene pool’s self-designated lifeguards. But are they qualified?So who do you want propagating the species, 37 year old guys who need to sell their sperm for cash or a 44 year old, health conscious, fit, blue-eyed, six foot tall, 175 pound, employed, caring father, without a criminal record, NYU MBA with a zest for life?

This giving resolution is harder than I thought. No wonder most people just write checks.